okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
