it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
