Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
