So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
