in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
