Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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