Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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