would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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