mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
