I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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