You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
