I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Please don't give away my fajitas
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
