ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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