I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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