Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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