My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
