he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
