My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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