even my farts smell like vagina
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
