I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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