The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
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good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Let's paint friendship bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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