Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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