I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
