Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
