i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
