when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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