only if we run a train.
done.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
