I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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