whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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