he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
