the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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