Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
