Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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