someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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