i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
