i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
