tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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