I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
