apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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