Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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