New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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