Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
