His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
