??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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