If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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