you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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