a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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