should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
