just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
