You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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