Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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