Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
