hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
