I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
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He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
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You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?