you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.