I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
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Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver