I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
