That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
