i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
