look no pants
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
