And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
