Betty ford says i'm here all night
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
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MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
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I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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