so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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