you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So much Jack, so little girl.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
